Attraction Brainwash Psychology (1) – Do you want to strike a conversation with attractive strangers?

Interpersonal Psychology of Brainwashing : SoGye

SoGye” is SanMyu’s subdiscipline of interpersonal psychology focusing on the interpersonal strength.

The word ‘SoGye’ (S/th-oh Gee-eh) comes from SanMyu’s Jeolaebu, with its original meaning being ‘removal of boarders’. In Jeolaebu, this is portrayed by the leader of the cliffside village resting his staff to destroy the boarder separating the village and the outside world.

As a discipline covering all forms of social interaction from meeting people, approaching them, speaking to them, introducing yourself to making a conversation, application of SoGye is not limited to just

  • striking a seamless conversation with a stranger or
  • befriending new aquintances and integrating into a new group

but also

  • gaining leardership and exerting charismatic influence in an organisation
  • overcoming the pressure of the crowd and making a moving public speech

Just like other fields, with increase in level of sophistication you will form your own style, and be able to utilise the strength and wisdom gained like a freestyle rapping. However, as a novice lacking such strength and wisdom, a form of training to consolidate the basics is required.

This beginners’ series of SoGye will comprise of such training.

First, let us begin with the common field of interest among the young: dating.


Fundamental Reason Why The Art of Pick-up Does Not Work In Reality 

Compared to the times when I was actively in the game, I see that the current young generation get more active and lively dating experiences, which ought to be a good thing.

On the other hand, it is disheartening that the very concept of methodology of dating is being warped by the pick-up artist scene and the application / social media based hook-up advices.

Quite a time ago, pick-up artists claiming to teach these skills of seduction appeared on mainstream media.

When asked to explain how one should approach a woman on the streets to get her number, one advised to “approach from the side she is not carrying her handbag.” When the host got dumbfounded and asked what is she is carrying a backpack, he added “then you can approach from the centre.”

The artist protested it was all scientifically proven, everyone at the scene couldn’t stop laughing.

Why has it become like this?

It’s because they overlooked the fact that in any field of study, to create a framework of application, there has to be a solid foundation of basic theoretical.

It’s just like electrical engineering or architecture; for an applied field of industry to flourish, there has to be a strong base of pure science and technology.

In order to create a final product of ‘seducing woman’ and the ‘art of pick-up’, it has to be based on a fundamental body of knowledge already studied by mankind such as mainstream psychology, behavioural economics and neuroscience etc.

Knowing this too well, the predecessors of SanMyu constructed the field of SoGye based on the accumulated knowledge of a hoslitstic field of study, SanMyu.


The Stage of Approach Precedes Initiation of Speech

Whilst teaching the beginners of SoGye, the first point of lesson I bring up is the fact that the success of initiating a conversation is dependent on what happens before actually speaking.

The stage in SanMyu is called Step-In.

The word derives from a martial art’s footwork: to take a single step towards the opponent. Not only in the field of interpersonal psychology, but even in self-improvement and organisation-management, many terminologies of SanMyu are derived from martial arts. This is because communication shares many principles with martial arts, and there are many techniques of SanMyu that uses the precise gaze movement and the body language.

Let’s use an example of approaching an attractive person on the streets, just like the pick-up example above. Assume that the initiator is male and the receiver is female.

The real secret of initiating a conversation is

not about knowing what exact sentence is effective,
like hello or excuse me or worse, some cheesy one-liner;

not about approaching from this side, from that side, quickly or slowly,
blocking with the body, etc. that’s got to do with direction and speed of approach.

One thing you have to understand is that no matter how you do it, she will feel
a degree of startle like you’ve sneaked up and suddenly grabbed her wrist.

Even those who are well-experienced cannot hit a success without knowing how to perform a proper Step-In.

As such, without an accurate knowledge base, it is difficult to succeed in the field of interpersonal psychology with only a superficial take on seduction.

So, what should you be mindful in the stage of approach?


In Approach, You Must Ensure The Opponent Knows Your Presence

Let me use another example to further illustrate this.

You met a woman online on a dating app and decided to meet up.
This is your first time meeting someone like this and you’re nervous.

You went into the cafe you’re supposed to meet her, and you look around,
you glance a woman who looks similar to the photos, so as you take your first step,

you meet eyes with her.

Now, the table she is seated on is pretty far, and you’ll have to take several seconds to get there, but you made eye contact and both of you noticed each other.

At this point, what would you do?

Most people do either of these three.

  1. It is too far so it’ll be too awkward to say hi,
    let me first pretend I didn’t see her, look away, get closer then say hi.
  2. Well, we’ve already made eye contact, I better say hi..
    and speak loudly “hey! what’s up. Are you XXX?
  3. I’d rather not shout out, but I still gotta say hi..
    and just wave a hand lightly.

However, none of these three is correct.
(The correct answer will not be revealed in this post, because of the principle of Question-Led Learning: a professorial education method of teaching a knowledge without its core and allowing logical deduction of the missing key points. First have a think about it and if you come up with an answer, write it on the comments or say it during the regular chatroom session.)

Without taking a wise approach to this scenario, you cannot make a great first impression, and even after getting to the table, that awkward and stiff vibe will continue throughout the conversation.

The street of the first example became a cafe here,
and the situation of you talking to a complete stranger became the situation of having mutual agreement to meet, but both scenarios require the same thing.

At the stage of approach, you must first allow yourself to be known to them. This is the principle of Pre-Approach Knowledge.


Use Gaze and Gestures to Allow Yourself to Be Known to Someone Far Away

These situations generally occur in a distance where normal conversation cannot take place, thus memorising the lines and scripts will not help you.

There can be many ways to give information during approach,
but the predecessors of SanMyu who’ve researched the arts of fighting heavily
discovered that the secret is in the management of your gaze,
with the assistance of facial expression and body language.

Knowing this, you are not bound to memorise the movements of your eyes based on the ever-changing situations, but use the techniques of mental picturing to direct things on-the-fly. These techniques used to smoothen your approach are collectively known as Leaving The Hand Behind.

Leaving The Hand Behind (LTHB)
Also a terminology originating from the old SanMyu’s martial arts, it is a collection of methods using the gaze of one’s eyes to in relation to the gestures and the body language.

Such study of ‘interpersonalogy’ is not only limited to a single, specific sort of situations, hence can be freely used in other situations apart from the context of dating.

  • When you’ve sighted a professor in college
  • When you bump into your boss or colleagues outside the company
  • As you’re walking up to someone to introduce yourself in networking event

In all contexts, you must provide some pre-approach information to the opponent.

Even those who are distributing flyers near the bus stops or the street evangelists of decent experience effectively use a variant of this technique through trial-and-failure.

On the other hand, many books or educational programmes that claim to teach people how to seduce and attract others lack such basic knowledge, tainting the reputation of the very concept of psychology.

(Continued to the next entry in the series)

I have deliberately transcribed the teachings of my teacher.

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