Limited Natural Talents
One misconception I encounter often while teaching the arts of SoGye, the interpersonal psychology domain of SanMyu, is that people mistake interpersonal psychology to be a conversational skill.
Since SoGye is a holistic study including various conversational methods, certainly there are some aspects of effective speech and the mechanisms of exuding power through words.
However, understanding it as “interpersonal ability = learning some lines that work” is a big error.
The author personally, is rather talented in conversations.
I happen to be what many people describe to be a ‘great talker’, and have no problems with being humourous.
However, when explaining conversational skills, I teach the other side of the picture: the limitations of personal talents.
It is true that if someone who’s a terrible singer receives vocal training for a period of time, they may be able to increase their vocal abilities.
However, no matter how much they practice, they cannot overcome the boundaries of the vocal range and the tone they were born with.
Not realising this is the reason why,
people falsely believe that if they learn magician’s tricks and techniques, they can perform those on stage, and that if they learn the techniques of hypnosis, they can do it fluently on the field.
The reality is completely different.
Magic tricks and hypnosis techniques are merely the tools to perform those tasks.
To capture people’s interests on stage and immerse them into your world, before you are a great magician, you must have the abilities of a great actor and the talents of a stage performer.
Without such natural talents, then no matter how hard one tries, they cannot soar beyond a small-time underground street magician.
Hence, if you are not born with a natural talents in interpersonal skills,
then instead of trying to break the ceiling of your natural talent,
you must aim to learn something else which can easily make up for those:
the common mechanisms of how humans minds work.
You must learn the psychology that can move anyone subconsciously
Even now, if you search pick up methods, dating tips and tricks, seduction guides and other ‘attraction science’ fields, you will find more than you can ever read,
but the reactions from people who’ve actually tried them are similar.
In fact, they know the results before they try.
‘These are no different from the cool quotes from a movie.
They are cool and plausible, but that’s it. That’s a movie and they are a protagonist.”
While there’s no fixed criteria for being a good talker,
most people list the following as an example:
- humorous and can make others laugh
- able to transition from topics to topics smoothly without awkward pauses
- understand the flow of conversation well and able to cut in well and appropriately
- well-versed and knowledgeable even outside their field of expertise
- logical in speech and good at persuasion
However, as a definitive statement, no field of study nor a method of training in this world can improve someone who’s got zero above-mentioned qualities to become as great as someone who’s a natural.
If someone doesn’t have even a remote sense of humour, training them and teaching them jokes will not turn them into a great comedian like Kevin Hart.
Therefore, SoGye is not about the ‘talent-fields’ like humour, singing or dancing, which are all about natural talents and it is difficult to overcome it.
It is about studying the common mechanisms of human psychology that can move anyone subconsciously; an application field of study which anyone can utilise in their own interpersonal situations.
These methods use principles of human behaviours to naturally build an intimate relationship, and from the affinity and confidence resulting from that, it branches into the following fields of techniques.
Projection of own thoughts into other’s deep level of subconscious to induce synchronisation; Sub’Shim
-> A combination of modern hypnosis and behavioural psychology; corresponds to the ancient hypnosis.
Seeding of own thoughts into other’s conscious mind to seize control of their decision-making system; Sub’Hon
-> A combination of modern leadership and organisation management; corresponds to the science of governance such as Machiavellian methods.
Going beyond that, the undisclosable field of condensing the self-image through just a quick glance to install one’s identity deep into others’ mind; Sub’Ahn.
Just a Brave Approach is Enough
The author liked dancing since young age thus I am still relatively decent in dancing.
Even with some age, I can mimic and follow most dance moves
from popping, break dancing, hip hop and modern choreography.
Conventionally people tend to expect that good dancers are good flirters,
but in reality there isn’t much to it.
Surely, being great at dancing or having a good voice, there’s going to be some pros to it, but I often compare it with nightclubs to illustrate that it isn’t always the case.
Good dancers dance well, then they go home.
Cute faces and those with hot bodies show off their great looks, then head back home. Sweet talkers will chatter all night, then call it a day.
Rich people decorate their table with expensive liquor, get drunk with those and call their chauffeur home.
People have all kinds of talents to attract people, and ways to make people interested, those stop at just drawing people’s attention.
Without someone making the first approach,
there will be no encounter.
Without this small move of courage, everything else is useless.
- Pre-work of showing them that you are about to approach them before actually doing so; Pre-Approach Knowledge
- Intermediate stage of dampening the discomfort and burden to prevent rejection of approach; LTHB
- After approach, entering the space even before they develop vigilance against you; Space Occupation
- Through an indirect touch, arousing attraction, trust and rapport from the subconscious level; Shape-Contact
- Even when they activate subconscious vigilance system, negating that by drawing their agreement; Alluered Agreement
And even after that,
there is nothing that is greatly restricted by a lack of natural born talents.
You don’t have to be disappointed that building a relationship you want requires great outward appearance, talented skills and high materialistic affluence.
If you want to get close to someone, and build a solid relationship,
approaching first is enough to start it.
(Continued to the next entry in the series)
I have deliberately transcribed the teachings of my teacher.