So’Gye, The System Behind This
Let me start off by saying that I am not here to give you easy tidbits or sounds-good-feel-good advices.
SanMyu is a holistic field of study exclusively inherited to build successful CEOs of corporations in the past. So’Gye is a subdiscipline of psychology and interperso al mastery. As a specialty whose strongest arsenal includes techniques of brainwashing, So’Gye’s goals is not about helping young men in dating.
Our scope goes above and beyond: to succeed in all forms of interpersonal relationships: casual, business, friendship, family and love. Our lineage of SanMyu dates back 300-400 years past, where independent development and aggressive acquisition of knowledge helped build an unparalleled depth of knowledge.
In this day, however, the appetite of the internet crowd seems to differ.
Not that long time ago, young people managed just fine even without advanced knowledge. You did not need to ‘learn how to date women.’
It is without a doubt that the dating environment today requires much higher aptitude than it did before. Information flooding keeps happiness threshold high, and many alternatives to dating exist. This is the reason why some of the oldies do not understand what’s the deal with you not finding a girlfriend. I can only sympathize with many young men, who would have had satisfying and lasting relationships and success with women, should they have lived in a different era.
Method 1 – Influence Game
In SanMyu, GyoJeon is a title of master, one rank higher than Professor, signifying not only scholastic mastery, but much more. If a layperson were to ask what exactly GyoJeon does, then the answer would be: ‘exert influence.’
Influence is a form of power. SanMyu uses the concept of ‘absolute currency‘ to illustrate this. Wealth is summarized by money, because money is a higher currency that can be used to purchase most things. You can’t buy a car with a house, but you can buy either with money of the same value.
The absolute currency sits beyond money: it can buy money, as well as multiple things that money cannot buy.
If you found success with women in certain social settings, while completely failing in others, it is most likely due to your influence, or lack of it.
Influence Game is the fundamental, fair-and-square way of getting what you wish, including attraction.
Let’s break down a standard dating arc. You either meet women from your surroundings, or you strike up a stranger. How much influence do you have in your social surroundings, how much influence do you have in your conversation with the stranger?
You continue meeting her and interacting with her. How much influence do you have on the relationship?
Without influence, you cannot steer your relationship towards success, you can only sit and pray that everything goes right.
That does not mean you go around being a control freak trying to order people to your whims.
SanMyu uses the concept if Influence Game in all forms of relationships: intrapersonal, interpersonal, and the relationship between you and the world.
At the centre of this is the interpersonal relationship, which is the basis of all relationships.
Practicing your influence starts with a social group. Most men are often either outcasts or followers. In all social settings, there is a game of self vs others: you want A, the group wants B. Outcasts are those who stubbornly do things their way and as a result naturally distances from the crowd. In contrast, followers conform perfectly and become the crowd, but never have any influence on them.
You must become neither. You must do what anyone does to move things from point A to point B: go to point A, grab the stuff, then go to point B.
First you must become the group. Most men are afraid of ‘not blending in’, or say ‘this is not me.’ The accurate way of saying that would be “this is not what I was,” because once you become the group, that becomes you. Our egos are not fixed: we are merely others’ others.
Then you must slowly lead them to a direction. Now this part is a topic of itself, requiring elements of effective leadership and success building.
What separates the influencers from the followers, is that they know how to seduce everyone towards what they have in mind. There are enough people who suggest good things, there are enough people who stubbornly fixates on what they want. There are extreme few who can move everyone.
People want to be moved. People crave such leaders. If you don’t become the leader, someone else will, or the group will fall apart. In both cases, you will remain a follower or an outcast.
Even if you get in a relationship, if you do not have influence, you will lose her. That, I can assure you. Did you change her life? Is she better because of you? Majority of men can be listening ears, they can be supportive, but is that enough against some unchanging hardships in life?
Method 2 – Dependence And Codependence
‘Dependece and codependence’ is an old psychological concept in play all around.
If someone were to depend on you for food, then they would be dependent on you. They cannot live without you. However, everytime someone increases their dependence on you, your codependence to them will increase as well. Such is the mirror neuron at play. Basics of empathy function.
If you left an infant in the middle of the forest, and you know that they would die without you, then it becomes extremely hard for you to abandom them.
What is more subtle, however, is that if someone progressively depends on you for something, you may become addicted to the carrying out that duty, and progressively become codependent as well. That can make you irrationally clingy, or so fixated on them that you cannot properly continue a normal relationship.
You meet a girl, things are going nicely, you like her alot so you start doing things for her. Sooner or later, you may find yourself in a deep state of codependence. You are addicted to her depending on you.
The solution is not about being some ‘alpha’ who doesn’t do things for women but get women to do things for them. As stated in previous sections, Influence Game is still in play, and the best way to attract women is to ensure that you have a consistent influence on them and their environment. You need them to be dependent on you.
Some men have ego problems. Their objectives are not success with women in essence, but to get validation from the women that they are a worty men. They attempt to fuel their self-esteem at the expense of actually building influence.
Do not try to be the salt and the light, just for the idea of becoming it. The constant need to feel as if one is ‘needed’ or ‘dependable’ is a strong psychological addiction, and will only hinder your success.
Instead, exert influence with a direction: for the benefit of the relationship, to make both of you happier, to love better, etc.
Method 3 – Self-Exit
We are all bound by ourselves. We see the world with our eyes, we learn the world by living this one life. Everything that comes from the outside, comes only because you exist.
However, we have an ability to move our focal point to the outside world. Sometimes, you think about something or are engrossed in a conversation, that you forget yourself. You forget the fact you exist. You may think that for granted, but SanMyu states that approximately 15% of the population may have a small malfunction in this ability. If the concept of not realising you exist is foreign to you, then you may belong in this 15%.
Those who cannot Self-Exit tend to display higher egocentrism, and have trouble understanding social situations, because a portion of the mind is still thinking about themselves – their thoughts, their emotions, etc.
They also tend to have higher conversational association towards themselves – people who make everything about themselves. Good things happen; they are to thank, bad things happen; they are to blame.
In your case, this is more to you than just normality vs selfish people. You are here reading this lengthy article, and you clearly aspire something better than mere normality.
You must learn to make Self-Exit your habit, to fully engross yourself in conversations and social settings. You will not just read what others have in mind; they will be telling you in the face, which you have not been hearing because you were not listening.
Self-Exit is also a meditational exercise to train yourself, but that is a topic on its own.
Method 4 – Invest In Your Physical Appearances.
GyoJeon sometimes laughed and said among all the self-improvement coaches, he was perhaps the one who emphasized bodybuilding and cosmetic surgery the most.
From a Ja’Jeon perspective, those tick the criteria of Leaving The Tracks (LINK).
SanMyu, despite having a deep understanding on human psychology and success building, never underestimates the power of appearances.
If you want to succeed, you must continuously match your appearances to that level of success. This is a part of Standing Belief. (LINK)
Your appearances are going to be your very first impression. So’Gye teaches many techniques to make a strong and memorable first impression through method such as Three-Point Gaze Guidance (TPGG) and Long-Short Hand Guidance (LSHG). (LINK). However, you need to get every headstart you can, and having your looks polished will be a massive one.
If you are serious about self-improvement, but you aren’t exercising, or taking care of your skin and hair, then there is something not adding up.
It does not just apply to dating scenarios: everybody, whether new business partners or potential clients, will note your appearances, consciously or not.
SanMyu is a practical study: we take what works and we toss what doesn’t. Managing your appearances stay, because it is effective.
Do not be sugar-coated by people who say the outsides do not matter. You know they do. Don’t be tempted to blind yourself from the uncomfortable truth. Instead, build upon it and never be lazy about making yourself look better physically.
It is, however, important to manage your expectations. This is what many other lifestyle coaches lack. When you develop a method, you need to understand its limits. Investing in your appearances is important, but it is never SanMyu’s main focus, because the effects do not last. This is the realistic effect of great looks. Immensely powerful short-term, but with a tapering effects.
Still, this headstart gives you alot of room to retain that attraction and even reinforce it through other ways.
Further Reading
- 4 Archetypes Link
Method 5 – Forget Being Yourself, Be Attractive.
You probably heard more times than you remember – be yourself.
But what exactly is yourself? Is it the result of your actions in the past, the results and consequences compiled? That is your past, not yourself. Is it just how you naturally and automatically do things? That is laziness, bot yourself.
There is no yourself to be. There is only what you have been, what you are, and what you want to be. Be what you want. If attractive is what you want, be attractive, even if it involves things that you have never done before.
Being yourself is in direct opposition to self-improvement. Improvement is change. Changing yourself means that you will become something that you are not.
Maybe you are tempted to get the results, while still doing everything the same, thinking same and feeling same. But that, I can assure you, will not happen.
You need to do different things, think differently and feel differently, if you want a change to happen. You cannot pick and choose, because change is a storm that uproots a trees. You will either embrace the change, lead the change and make your life wholly different, or you will lose even the initial bit of change you experienced, and settle back to where you were exactly.
Conclusion
SanMyu can be difficult to learn, and So’Gye perhaps especially so. Do not despair just because you do not understand the concepts during your initial read-through. That’s because they actually convey bulky information, instead of being some sugar-coated wordplay like most of the self-help content in the market.
Those people did not spend as much time researching and studying their content as they spent trying to sell things.
In SanMyu, we have respect for sophisticated knowledge. We value powerful knowledge that changes lives. Above all, we value relationships where learning can flourish, instead of dead texts and videos.
If you are serious about your learning, then please contact me via ContactSanMyu@gmail.com
This is a separate email not even in the contacts section, and will come directly to me.
I always remember what GyoJeon would tell me:
Success is not something we strive to achieve. It is like a DNA to us: inherited effortlessly. The knowledge I give you, will dwarf any inheritance I leave behind.
GyoJeon
SanMyu - Holistic Self-Improvement 